The Backpacker Project by Suzanne Kelly

The Backpacker Experience-Beyond the Battle Lines. Out of all the assignments set for us during the course, I found this one the most challenging. I have had no experience in canvassing. So with great trepidation and lacking the fortitude to push myself beyond my safety zone I set out to tackle the backpacker's head on.

I initiated the first attack at the bus stop where my first victim, Lisette, outflanked me. Assuming she was an aforementioned "backpacker" I moved in for the kill. She exhibited all the signs of being one, backpack, at a bus stop, I mean; after all, her friend stated that they were staying at the backpackers lodge. Technically I was correct, but in effect, Lisette was on her own mission- in town for Splendour, but hey, she'll do. I drew first blood.

The next attack was committed at a local hairdressing salon, Shampoo, where the enemy was confined to a chair, and held captive by a somewhat daunting woman with a Ronaldo haircut and very sharp scissors. He had no choice; he was trapped like a rat up blocked Byron Bay sewer pipe. He was cool customer though, and didn't mind the interrogation one bit. I guess we weren't holding him up from doing anything (not like Lisette, who was making her way to THE BACKPACKERS at the Piggery). I would have liked to take an after shot of the haircut (he was having a bleached crew cut), but I was on a mission and could not waste any more time gloating over his carcass.

I was doing a late reconnaissance in the park at Main Beach when I spied Colin with all his gear. He was putting his socks on. I kept walking and returned 30 minutes later, and he was still putting his socks on. Was this a smoke screen? Undaunted by this I moved in to interview him. I asked him if he minded being interviewed and photographed. He seemed a bit cagey, especially when I asked him if he was traveling from overseas. He then agreed, but asked me if I didn't mind him putting on his socks while I talked to him.

Finally, I'd had enough. I had so far encountered- a Brisbane girl, a Canadian, and an American / Australian??? There was something missing, the quintessential backpacker, I was yet to locate the ubiquitous "pommy backpacker". From what information I could gather, this creature tends to gravitate towards hideouts that deal in amber fluids. I decided to go and clear my head; I was showing signs of battle fatigue. So I hit the cliffs and beaches of the Lighthouse trail in the hope of a sneaky beach landing, and then, I heard it. A Gallic voice filtered through to me in the trenches. Oh no, the French have landed. So I called on my limited schoolgirl French and a few lines I had picked up in various Parisian bars and began stalking them. They were fast, I followed them over the ridge, constantly keeping an eye on their designer gear and oh so Gucci looks, but alas, I lost my nerve and retreated to lower ground. I was greeted by a heard of goats at Little Wategos, the photos could work but the interview would be crap. And there they were, like two little royals basking in the faded glory of a tattered and torn empire. I aimed my camera and moved in with a stiff upper lip, as they do in the old country.

Edward and Tara, how regal. Neighbours fans no less. Initially Edward was suspicious, but when I assured him that the survey I was doing was aimed at improving Backpacker facilities, he softened. (I lied, so, sue me). They did a joint interview-how sweet.

Later, back at mission control headquarters, I capitulated. My days on the battlefield were now at an end. Enough.

In retrospect, I should have asked people a throwaway question in the first phase of the interview, just to put them at ease. Hi, what your name? Where are you from? What do you do? How old are you? And then SO, DO YOU THINK BILL AND HILLARY STILL DO IT?